Thinking back

it may be fulll of comonalities to perhaps what you have experianced, but I will try to be as real as I can remember. Hay it was 1970 after all, what were you doing in 1970....? ok then.. first I have little control of my didgets and typing is pecking with my left 'flip' finger, and on the right, my index. The rest of my fingers tingle to numbness, even these fingers, I can bend and hold bent so that is a plus. Not about what I can't do, it's about filling in the time from now  till the reaper catches up with you. And what will that moment be like ? I know your thinking heaven'r'hell.. that's the idea.. Oh if I miss a beat, I said it would happen. sorry. and all hose around me are setting around in anxiety. You can watch the big screen or surf or ..... it's like that Bible guys scripture.... it'll come to me in a while.. Solomon, or Ahab 'er sumpin.  VANITY, I think Eclesastics 1 and 2. yep..

And if you want to dwell on it, all is vanity. But the alternative is sedentary and of little good. Have something to do or be  lonley. I guess some of that time will be taken up surfing and searches then the time comes when sleep wants to overtake you, and you want it to. Enough blanket and pillow and anything's possible lol. And that is coming, soon enough. Good for me, I just got some Corduroy pants for winter, the rest is Carhartts, So yea it's somthing you have to control and decide how much your worth in this conclusion-fest. And my Daughter likes to make noise with her new exhaust. it's a Roush exhaust, a big deal. I liked the fast things when I was that age, I had a VW Bug all tricked out hotrod. EMPI... authentic.  So I hope she don't get herself a ticket or get in a crash, my friend Mary's daughter is in icu with all kind of serious and life threatening. Rachael wanted to live with these type and it was their destination eventually. I feel sorry for Rachael though, poor lady. She's like 40 or so now I knew her when she and Gina Both were born. I'v known Mary longer of course. The family changed dynamics with Tony, and not for the better. 

 He was a friend, but not a very good one. A Coward, theif and a drunk. Still there were times of great fun, but he always took it to far to the danger zone, and always took advantage of my kindness and friendship..

For Loved Ones

This is for those who I love. That would be Ryan and Kathy foremost followed by Bob, Ron, Sylvia and Mary. Bob has made my life easier than it would of been by my own efforts, and in an environment that was pleasing and wonderful to me. Many years of this help. I know it was two sided as his interests were able to be accomplished without worry. Never the less I have seen his heart, his vulnerable side hidden within.

Ryan's Love and Life is far away as I am and hope he would take advantage of it. Jackie, His Love, hoping to be his life and share all the good things they would experience together.
His hopes and aspirations.
And Kathy who has been my rock, the one who would see to my needs and call on me making sure all was well. Of Her I am proud of her accomplishments with Her work and Home. I am glad to be positioned as I am, with those who care about me after a lifetime of caring for and about them. I have lost some, but some just disappeared due to time and distance.

And I still love them. Our days were many years ago, in out youth. We had dreams and desires, all different, but just as magical as each others. But some became estranged.

I had wished it not so, but life takes many turns and paths. Sometimes their  lives need a divergence to maintain their habits and sanity as they know it.

Some people are toxic yet at times exciting and fun for a moment, sometimes years, and are the hardest to divorce from our life, but somehow we sort of manage. Hopefully God takes care of them.

You can't control others, but you can see their rise or decline and wish the best for them. It is for them to become. There is effort and it is not he path of least resistance that makes it a success. It's not that saying "the one who dies with the most toys wins" it's the friends you make, the people you help, and remember sometimes we are in the presence of Angels unawares.
Wonder can fill our hearts, the sights and sounds all around us, the beauty of nature.

We will miss our parents and their wisdom. Their advice will be gone, but our memories will come through with feelings of love and smiles, and yes we will try to be like them remembering morals behavior. At times we will fail, but mostly we will succeed if it is in our hearts to try for goodness. Our Family may be small and our friends likewise, and it may seem little, but combined the warmth and love will be great. I wish so much for my children's, successes and happiness and when I am  finally gone and hopefully in the presence of the Lord and Creator they will remember the wonderful happy, dangerous, adventurous and lucky times we shared. Those things few get to experience.

Remember those things, do them with those you love or if you have children, be a child again, see the wonder they see, explore the things that draw them. Never let anger into your heart, forgive and forget, and avoid those things that you suspect or know are wrong.

Know that I am unable to fully express my love for you. You have always been my everything, my pride and my immortality. In you the family of Wilkes survives and has it's place. Strive to make it unblemished, at least try.

In this, when I am gone, I will miss you and in time when it comes, will see you again. We will enjoy a family so large... Back to our Father. Do not cry..... but if you do, smile through the tears and know no matter where I am, I will be proud of you and Love you for eternity. That will never be broken I promise. Brothers will be dear in my heart, so dear, there will be no distinction between anyone in all my family. To my Sister, I wish you well and every happiness possible.



























his sucesses

The Choir...... is all present..

I was on neither end, instead I was in stages where it felt I was like the fleeting pages of a catalog wisping by, only to wisp back to distance between pages, room where they neither touched or were compressed becoming finely compressed. Like the flight of a bird with grace and strength.  Even the small, they are mighty. The feeling inside your head...? the sloshing crudeness. The result of an experiment  ? 

the rest will fall into place.. 
It becomes definite a vehicle needs to be used. The sky blue with white wisps, an Atlantic sky, and from watching the Sun set in the West, to watching the Sunrise on the Atlantic

Indoors or outdoors, magic is magic. And one does not waste it on trivial pursuits. It is like anything and only increases if stored up. Oh, it's possible to store.    Back to the magic, you see there are some pretty powerful sayings and words all meant to amaze you and impress you.

It was Vertigo....  simple awful spinning and less seeing well. But it is becoming known as the cost of doing business. Just an hour before I was trying on some turquoise camo-shorts and chukka boots and had bought them. And during off time thought it a great opportunity to just be shopping... in the Caribbean. Then other times I amuse myself writing in some pretty ...um....forum,   I'll just leave you here....

Traveling through the forest has become difficult, and with the advent of better technology, that day is coming to a close. There will not be legal passing through, instead no-trespassing will be posted.  Nite-vision goggles and dark hoodies  are likely to be what you see.

The one that got away.

Normally most people wouldn't dwell on a lost love....... and others, can never forget........ such is the case with Linda

PTSD is like....

Its like standing inside a tunnel looking out into the light.....staring....motionless. It can creep up on you where your internal dialogue relives right along with your mind, events, moments, things you saw or did. Things etched into your head, your mind. Sounds or events  can remind you, they can quickly take you over and render you sloppy and dull. Sometimes shaking your head from side to side multiple times....... closing your eyes and shaking it out of your head as though it were a rock or chunk of something. And by shaking it, you could dispatch it from your mind and memory for the moment. But at some point it always comes back. At times, new terrors command your mind. But you have learned to be numb to it, to ignore it for great lengths of time. But it always creeps in.... My minds been bent, smoked, twisted and seen all manner of wonders or perversions. You just live with it, just shake it off when necessary and quickly change thoughts if you can. Weed can help, but I think it might well encourage flashbacks. Flashbacks of what ? Being a door gunner, behind a 60 machinegun.  And at times as a Grunt, from my earliest times. Our job was to insert platoons into the 'bush' and retrieve them. We also flew chase for B52's which amounted to parking five birds on a landing pad. A Cobra, a Loach and three Slicks. Playing Rummy or Spades was the usual pastime. So it wasn't all bad, but there were events and minutes spent in terror, a terror that would leave imprints. There was beauty, something timeless and colorful. In truth, most days were kind of like every other. Nothing making the rounds, no one injured or killed, and no monsoon rains to be out in doing guard with nothing but the moon to light your field of vision. Guarding an ammo dump. Something that could go up like a million roman candles, ending in one large blast. Of Course your vaporized. So yea, guard duty was a nervous and dangerous. Sapper Gooks were always trying to sneak in and toss satchel bag bombs all over, causing lots of hairy scary... I paid attention on guard, and occasionally popped a flare and fired off a couple bursts or lit the whole area up while we were under attack. Our places were usually large with as much underbrush removed as possible, and if possible on higher ground. But you know, this is my story, there are a thousand others from different locations and different people. Some like me, others completely unlike me. In thoughts and attitudes. My Moral character was still forming, I knew right from wrong. And it all happens quickly, a blast, or AK, the sound printed on your brain. Things like this happened once in a while, a couple times a month, sometimes more. Daytime was more secure, and many many were spent on some distant Firebase. Sometimes we would fly the distance our tanks would carry us and then refuel to be able to get back. Those were the easy days. There were night time attacks. Before you think us dark and sinister, we were your kids, your brothers and sisters, we were once  inocents.

Agartha, the Quest is real ....

How many have read the Admiral Byrd diaries ? Either it is a complete hoax, or there is substance and Truth. There would be no other reason to author such a journal or diary in my opinion. We will start there. Admiral Byrd made a fascinating discovery, one that if true would and could still change everything we know about earths history. With implications that could only be called Epic. Paradise discovered, the near perfect world, an evolution into mans greatest aspirations. Think for a minute, if there was a possibility that man had found true enlightenment and had found the desire of all men, peace, beauty and ..... the undiscovered paradise, and that it did exist.

We will endeavor from this point forward, to create a meeting place for like minded curious individuals in a setting where any and all information and ideas can be examined and shared. Scouring the Internet can often times provide scraps or entire volumes of the printed word. Much as Wicipedia can evolve, the hope here is to gather as much information as is possible to accumulate. From as many sources. I'm confident the information will, over time be condensed down to usable and important clues to the locations of the existing entrances of Agartha. Over time we will accumulate key bits of information, and sift through false or fictitious writings or stories. ...LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN...